Tuesday, February 22, 2005


A good entry about the forced dump over at Stay of Execution. Part of the entry struck a nerve with me:

I pre-emptively dumped a fine fellow not long ago when he was calling me promptly and cooking me nice dinners and inviting me to the movies. He was charming and solicitous but there was a distance, an ever-so-slight coldness, about him that made me feel like six months down the road, I'd be attached and he wouldn't.

That's exactly how I felt about Mr. STF. After our drunken text message battle this weekend, I can't shake the nagging feeling. There's just something about him, or our acquiantanceship that just ain't right. I like him a lot, I find him attractive, I think he's smart and good at what he does. We share similar interests. But I find myself always guarded - even over text message! - when I interact with him. He's considerate, thoughtful, flattering, and yet I question the sincerity of it all. I suspect an ulterior motive but can't figure out what it is. I feel like we're in a power battle over who is the coolest or edgiest or smartest and I don't know how in the world that started. I'm admittedly very uncool, not at all edgy, and certainly not the brightest bulb in the law library basement. But for some reason he made me think that that's how he regarded me, and I've felt the need to demonstrate that. I have a difficult time stepping away from a challenge.

I'm still really irked by his concluding text msg. Fucker.

Last night I got an adorable voicemail from my summer coworker. "Holla atcha boy" he said. I glowed. I miss him. Can't wait to holla back. So very crushworthy.

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