Monday, February 28, 2005

Frustrated. Upset. Shedding a few tears.

I just found out that one of my coworkers from this summer got a job offer from an agency that deferred me. They were going to give him a CHOICE of jobs - one juvenile and one adult. Despite the fact that I have work experience and a lot of connections in the city, and he has no ties at all to the city, they gave him an interview and a job offer. All I got was a letter telling me they'd hold onto my resume until they got more funding. He is turning down their offer tomorrow to take an offer with the agency that I had the WORST INTERVIEW EVER with. He said that they were really nice to him. Hmph. I got no such courtesy.

Now my coworker is 100% better at trial advocacy than I am, I'll be the first to admit. But seriously. Now I just feel really ill. Why did they pass me over for him? What am I so clearly lacking that no one wants to hire me? I keep saying that things will work out, that I'll be where I need to be. But I think I've just about run out of faith at this point. I'm really upset. All my roommates are gone to the movies. I'm sitting in bed, along, unemployed, staring blankly at a reading assignment I couldn't care less about. I don't want to be in school anymore. I'm sick of reading and writing. That's all I do, 12 hours a day. Read. Write. Sit in class. Read. Write. Sit in class. I'm sick of this all. Just let me work already.

I've run out of faith and patience.

What's probably the worst feeling is having to cry here by myself because I can't think of anyone to call.