unraveling.

I had a very vivid dream last night. What I remember from the dream is that I received a call from a fellow summer intern, and I was going to go pick him up from the rural part of the state (why was he staying there? because his home 8 states over burned down. go fig.) and bring him to hang out with me in the big city. However, I was deterred from doing so in a series of events that involved a tall, nicely built, dark-haired, dark-eyed, fair-skinned mysterious dreamboat who was madly in love with me, assertive but not aggressive, smart but not nerdy or cocky, appropriately social, a rich consultant/businessman turned inner-city teacher (because he was passionate about working with kids) and possessed peanut butter cup ice cream that somehow, miraculously, was not all that fattening. (It's great that the two things I appear to desire most in life are 1. The Perfect Man and 2. The Perfect Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream. I don't deny it.)

The dream also involved a baby that needed an IV and an unknown friend's mother calling me asking me to purchase all the Diet Coke in the area and deliver it to her. I was growing increasingly tired, after attending to my dreamboat, then the baby, who needed me to get a particular individual that I had to hunt down all throughout the city but was in the room all along, and then I was trying to drive someone that I've never actually met in real life to meet friends, and all while I was supposed to be going to pick up this guy in another part of the state.

I think the dream about my friend was related to the fact that he called me the day before Thanksgiving and I never returned his call. I thought about it, but didn't. I know him well enough to know that if he called, it was probably job related. If it was job related, then it was probably about the agency we worked for this summer. If it was, then he probably got another interview, and since I hadn't
heard from them, it's safe to assume that I didn't get the final interview. So I delayed contacting him. I emailed him this morning. I also emailed the other intern who worked with us and she got an AWESOME and very prestigious fellowship doing the type of work that I'd love to be doing - but she also received her rejection letter from our agency yesterday. Which means mine should arrive today or tomorrow.

Which means that I will now have two rejection letters and no offer letters.

Sometimes I go through my day feeling like I have everything completely under control. I felt that way when I left my house this morning. Then my umbrella broke, I remembered that I left the heat on in my room (bad idea, it's a sketchy heater), a button fell off my pants, and I have no reason to be at work today as the motion hearing that was scheduled will be rescheduled because the attorney is out sick. I should've played hooky with Will, like he suggested, and joined him in Christmas shopping. Seriously.

At least I can start my Wall of Shame now. Two of my friends from law school did that last year - they covered the wall behind their dartboard with rejection letters from firms. And there are many of them.

My employment anxiety is increasing exponentially with every passing week.