Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Dear Friend,

How are you? We don't talk as often as I wish we did. Frankly, I haven't much to say. Nothing new here, really. Still in law school. Still no job. Still not dating anyone. Family's fine.

Sometimes I think that we're growing apart, because we're embarking upon different paths. We might not be making the same choices, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're any less of a friend to me. I think it's a testament to our friendship that we still keep in touch, despite the lapses of time and differences in our life. Additionally, I'm not sure that the differences in our lives amount to all that much.

So I'm bewildered at why you seem to be hurt that I'm not spending as much time with you, or that I don't call so frequently. I'm not sure why you might think that our friendship is less important because we don't see each other or speak to each other that often. And I'm also not sure why my actions are the ones upon which are friendship are based. What our friendship means to you shouldn't be based on what I do or don't do. You can call me. You can email me. Don't leave it all to me - I can't support a friendship on my own. And I have no way of knowing when you need me or what you need from me if you don't tell me.

I hope you aren't disappointed with me, and with my distance, or my infrequent contact. You've never come out and said it, but I sense it's there. I'm not sure what I can do to change that. I do wish we spoke more often, and saw each other more often, but I understand that we're both busy. We both have routines, and we both have a 'normal' day that differ greatly from each other. I think that's ok. But if it's not, you have to tell me.

I'm proud of all that you've accomplished. I speak of you to friends that you've never met. They all marvel at the fact that I'm still even in touch with you at all. I don't understand why I wouldn't be. We've watched each other take risks, make changes, and accomplish so many things. Even if our friendship is no longer effortless, I'm ok with that. We're family. Even if I don't see you again until next Christmas, or two Christmases from now, or even if our only contact is virtual, it's fine, because I want you to know that it doesn't make you any less important to me. Not at all. You are still such a critical part of my life, in ways that I can't even begin to express. I take risks because you'll be there to debrief with me when I need it, you'll hear the story later with a sympathetic ear, and you won't judge me or say 'I told you so.' The fact that I know you're there to talk and visit, when the timing is right, makes all the difference.

So call me when you need to, or just want to. I'll answer. Or at least I promise to call you back. And I'll call you, too, just to check in. I hope it's ok that it might take a while. I'm still trying to get myself set up. But I am thinking of you, and I care about you, and that doesn't ever change.

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