Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

I covet the boyfriend of another. He's a roommate of a friend, and I
see him from time to time. And he's fun, easy-going, smart, and cute.
His girlfriend is very attractive - long red shiny curly hair
cascading down her back, a little shorter than me, great physique, and
incredibly hip and stylish. I have only met her once. She was
friendly, smart, a social organizer, likes cooking for friends. All
of the things that I thought I did until I met her, then I realized
that I was playing JV to her varsity. Le sigh. Anyway, I saw him
last night, and proceeded to have a night full of PG-rated but lovely
dreams about him. He touched my side, briefly, last night, to which I
responded, "Yes I will sleep with you." Well, ok, I didn't say it out
loud, but I was thinking it.

I woke up this morning on not nearly enough sleep and realized I had
missed a call at 1 a.m. There was a message from a friend agreeing
with my plan to get a hotel room tonight close to the funeral
services. I panic. I haven't planned to leave work early (I told my
boss, who asked me yesterday, that I'd be here all day), I had planned
on washing an outfit tonight, the weather was supposed to be bad, I
haven't packed, I don't even have a credit card to reserve a room on,
since all of my are cancelled. And then I remembered that tomorrow
night I have plans to take a friend out for her birthday, I made her
PROMISE that she would be available because I haven't seen her in
AGES.

I do realize that my role, the role that I've assigned myself, is the
role of planner and organizer. That's what I do. I organize, I make
sure everyone knows what's going on, and knows where to be, etc. Not
that anyone else needs me to do this - but it's something I do, and my
friends let me. But seriously people. CAN I GET MORE THAN 8 HOURS
NOTICE? Sheeeeeit. I packed (or threw clothing in a pile on top of)
my suitcase this morning just in case I need to leave as soon as I got
home, checked the weather (looks ok), packed my lunch, remembered the
3 weeks late thank-you letter to send out, and dashed out the door to
work, where I will spend the day trying to make these arrangements
while finishing up my work.

I haven't completely lost my mind yet, but I was a little thrown off
this morning. I purchased my coffee and bagel this morning and tried
reading the news online, but people are stopping by to chat, I had a
friend call (he said nice things - could it be that people actually
miss me?), and so my morning has just been really really fragmented.
I need a 30 min chunk of time to just organize my thoughts. I need to
make lists. Something.

Bailey's on the rocks. That's what I need.