Friday, April 29, 2005

The end of law school

My very last class of all of law school ended yesterday at 3:45 p.m. My friend turned to me and said, "So this is it, huh?"

Holy fucking shit. This is it.

Just trying to coordinate bar applications and potential future jobs has left me so preoccupied that I haven't taken the time to reflect on all of this. Out of habit and moving time and time again in my military childhood, I've always looked forward without ever taking much time to close the last chapter. It's easier to just barrel ahead and focus energy on what's new than it is to... I don't know. Is mourn the right word? I'm glad law school is over, but I'm sad to leave this community of people.

The best parts of my day, every day, are the spontaneous conversations that develop just from occupying the same space with several hundred people in this law school, day in and day out. Soon enough, I won't recognize faces at the grocery store. It won't take me 45 minutes to get from my desk to the bathroom anymore, because no one will stop to talk to me on the way. Never again will I shuffle into a classroom with dozens of other people, catching up on last night's gossip while the computer boots up, moaning about the workload or the boredom. I won't encounter people on my walk to and from school, or to and from the coffee shop, to stop and chat with.

So this is it.

I have two weeks in which to write two papers and study for an exam, and every moment of it, I'm going to wonder how much I'll regret that it's a moment not spent with the friends who will soon drive out of here for the last time.

I am not the person I was three years ago, and I only wish I had done a better job of chronicling my own life changes. I'm more confident in some ways, less confident in others. I'm more motivated to pursue my own path. I'm more comfortable in my abilities to connect with people and create comfortable social networks. I'm no closer to figuring out my life's path than I was when I arrived in August 2002.

I can't help but be really damned proud of myself for ending up here. Here with these friends, these experiences, these skills, and these memories.

Hey there, how's it going? What class are you going to? Can you even believe that the OC was cancelled last night in favor of Social Security? Ugh, I know, right? Yeah, softball was SO MUCH FUN last night. Wish you were there. And then we played Trivial Pursuit, and our team kept getting questions about Canadians. Fuck Canadians, man. You have four exams? Shit, that sucks. Yeah, I'll definitely see you at the BBQ! Bring your glove. I have to go write this stupid friggin paper now. It was great to run into you. You know something? I'm really going to miss seeing you around.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

WWBD (What Would Buddy (Holly) Do?)

Anonymous said...

Now the true hell begins: actually working in the law. You never met such a bunch of dickheads as lawyers. Yes, I sound like the Wall Street Journal, but I am, in point of fact, to-wit, a practicing lawyer, licensed five years. Seriously, find something better to do with your life, like operating a phone sex line.

Melissa said...

Anonymous is bitter.

Nick said...

Revealing, touching, deep, reflective.... my commentary on your post....