Thursday, September 15, 2005

don't hand me no lines, and keep your hands to yourself

I had an incredibly productive day of socializing today. I met a friend for coffee this morning and we had a very animated conversation, catching up on what's been going on, talking about what's next. It was so refreshing to have such meaningful human contact! Another friend called after that, so I met her later, and we did lunch and some quality shopping. We were catching up during lunch, and of course the question, "So any men in your life?" comes up, and I'm left with the option of either saying, "Let me show you the laundry list of nobodies" or saying, "Nope. No men in my life." I did a little of both today, and later in the conversation, my friend stopped me and said, "You need to stop being friends with guys who take you out to dinner and the movies, and stop making out with guys you don't like, and just go out and DATE GUYS without being friends with them first. You know, meet a guy, let him buy you a drink, and meet up with him again. Go out to dinner. Meet up again. Hang out again."

By golly, she's right.

I have this emotional quirk that prevents me from dating a guy that I'm not already sure that I really like, but by that time we're pretty good friends, so why ruin a good thing? This helps me 1. never get rejected and 2. always have wonderful men around me. I know that I do this, but for some reason, it wasn't until today that I really and truly realized that it might be a problem. Mr. STF busted right on through that by being absolutely relentless in the beginning of our torrid affair last summer. I kept trying to avoid it, but he didn't leave me much choice, and so we dated, I was smitten, and then I moved.

My friend is right. I have far too many guy friends who take me out to dinner, or to movies, or who ply me with fine wines. (Oooh, what a problem, huh? Yeah, I know.) I need to just date. I can't keep waiting for men who are going to be that aggressive (although I lurrrrrv that quality in a man) to convince me to date them. I need to just do it. I'm capable of it. I don't need any more 'friends.' I don't need to keep men away from me because I'm convinced they won't like me. Let those assholes figure it out for themselves, damnit.

After lunch and shopping, we picked her two kids up from daycare in the minivan (woohoo!) and I spent the rest of the afternoon and early evening playing with her son. We had a great time, he and I. Dad came home, and I fielded the same, "Got a boyfriend?" "Why are you still single?" questions. I continued to play with the little one (he's 3) after dinner, but things came to a screeching halt when, as he was sitting in my lap, he started poking and grasping my ample bosom.

"What's that?" he asked.
Mom and Dad were both amused and mortified. I, not wanting to somehow drastically alter this child's future development regarding body image and/or sexuality, kept silent, waiting for a wise parent to interject. They giggled.

Mom explained that they were boobies, and that he had them, too, and she pointed to where they were on his body, as he had no shirt on. He looked closely and said, "Yes, I have them too!" He then peered at my face, spotting the freckle on my cheek, and said, "This one too!"

To be sure, his own little nipples looked like freckles. But I fear the man will go the rest of his life being strangely attracted to freckled women. Despite admonishment, and the fact that I had grabbed his little hands to prevent him from futher inspection of my mammaries, he started discreetly nudging them with his knee. Which just cracked me the fuck up. He's a sneaky one, that kid.

And hey, he promised to call soon. And he insisted on waving goodbye out the window as I left. Which makes him much more of a gentleman then most of the men who've recently prodded my breasts.


Blonde Justice said...

Ha! You crack me up.

Sanchovilla said...

Being a guy, if I make any comments at all I'll look like a big perv so I'll just say that this was hilarious!

Melissa said...


Audacity said...

I can't keep waiting for men who are going to be that aggressive (although I lurrrrrv that quality in a man) to convince me to date them.

Are you sure you didn't steal this from me? Because it sounds like something I said recently.