Monday, August 29, 2005

the garbage heap that is my love life

I had a full 48 hours of drinking scheduled for the weekend; but after the first 7 hours, I was pretty much done for.

Friday night was a friend's going away party. I got dolled up and was definitely ready for a night on the town. I acessorized. There was makeup involved. And the sexy little black top was paired with jeans and some "I'm going to hate myself in the morning" shoes. I hadn't seen these friends in almost 8 months, and I was ready to make up for some lost time.

It was a lengthy trip to the bar via public transportation. For most of the walk and most of the ride, my eyes were locked with those of The Twin. He converses in a manner that makes you believe that you are the most fascinating and engaging person in the room. And he greeted me with a hug and a kiss. He is so very crush-worthy. Trust that I have crushed. It was a very pleasant way to start the evening.

We got to the bar a little after 7 pm. The party was kickin.' Hours of socialization ensue. One friend, whom I haven't spent significant time with in many years, appeared. We were so delighted that we embraced, we squealed, we kissed, we giggled, we hugged again, I nibbled his neck, he asked for more, and I told him we could make out later. He said, "WOTL, it's so great to see you again, and I like my handjobs nice and tight." I laughed my ass off. He then introduced me to his younger brother, who I met once when he was significantly shorter and a little nerdier. Now he's a senior in college, about 6'2", just getting back from 9 months in Australia, and is about 110 pounds.

I spent a lot of the beginning of the night drinking beer and catching up with a nother friend, not in the group of friends assembled, who then led me down the dangerous path of tequila shots. By the time we left the first bar, I: was $80 lighter, despite the fact I had purchased only half my drinks; was drunk almost to the point of blindness; had an extended cell phone conversation with the father of friend & little bro (who I do not know), during which the father told me that Little Bro was a really cool kid, I should hook up with him, and that Little Bro could definitely use a night with me; I informed Little Bro of this and Little Bro vowed never to speak to his father again; I engaged in relationship counseling with The Twin while secretly willing him to leave his girlfriend for me; I made friends with the boyfriend of a friend of a friend, who was later dumped by friend of a friend; continued to flirt with The Twin; had several friendly, "You Poor Thing You Don't Really Know Anyone" conversations with the Little Bro, who turned out to be pretty cool, and then stumbled to several more bars, the names and locations of which I have absolutely NO recollection.

From there, I lost an earring and a shoe; insisted that the Birthday Girl of the party walking behind me DID NOT LOOK 40 AT ALL (she didn't); broke up a fight because I am a public defender and I somehow, after 18 tequila shots, thought these two things were relevant factors to each other; then after saving that fight/marriage the wedding party was actually affirmatively insulting to me, so I screamed at the top of my lungs how much I hate Australians (I think they were. Maybe they were Scottish or something. Dunno.) and will never go there. So some other guy on the street found this to be a good time to come over and comfort me, which he did, and then Little Bro kindly steered me away from that. Then there were a few more bars, and me going back and forth between flirting with The Twin and flirting with the Little Bro. I vaulted a gate to catch the train, and on the way back home, as I was holding hands with the Little Bro, I leaned against a wall, pulled him to me, and kissed him.

After pizza, we finally found our way home. A few of us remained outside on the steps, talking under the stars. The conversations were of the deep and meaningful kind that only happen after a crazy night of partying, while still drunk, and in the stillness of the dead of the night. I said my goodnights and announced I was going up to bed. Little Bro stood up and said, "I'm going with you." Apparently, I was the only one who understood that this meant that we'd be sharing a bed - everyone else thought his intention was merely to retire for the night. I, on the other hand, knew differently, and thought that it was pretty hot that he announced it so smoothly, quietly, and confidently.

So that happened... but I'm not dirty enough to go all THAT far with a 22 year old kid that happens to be my friend's little brother. He is a cool kid, and cute, and it was nice to sleep in the arms of a guy. Even if he was born in 1983. *cringe*

The next day, I was exhausted and had a sour stomach all day, which led me to eat a large plate of diner food in the morning and not much for the rest of the day. After drinking lots of Coke at the BBQ, I finally just drank a few beers and voila! Hangover cured. How disturbing. Later that night, more drinks at another party ensued, and I was still exhausted but trying to remain standing. Little bro and I flirted, touched, insinuated... but by the end of the night, I realized he was doing the same with another girl, who happens to be cute, blonde, and the roommate of my friend/Little Bro's brother. And this is how it went. I slept alone, and he went home with her. NO FUCKING JOKE.

So if I had any dignity remaining by Saturday morning after making out with Little Bro, that shred was eviscerated when I was then bounced for another woman. It's not necessarily an ego hit that we didn't make out again - it was an ego hit that everyone KNEW we had the night before, and then he was mackin' on some other chick. And trust me when I say, he's not nearly that smooth. So I danced with one guy who told me he had been watching me all night, which was fine until he sat down and wanted me to give him a lap dance in the middle of the bar and kept trying to put his face in my bosom; another guy came over to dance with my female friend and I, and when she asked (not so nicely) "Do I know you?" he patted her on the back, kissed my shoulder (kissed my shoulder? WTF?), and left.

During all of this, another guy with whom I've been friends for, oh, 6 years now? kept grabbing my rear end, asking me to grab his, kissing me, trying to convince me that we should hook up, etc etc.

Long before everyone else was ready to call it quits, I looked around and realized that everyone else was really, genuinely having a good time, and I was most definitely not. About an hour and a half later, I finally decided to make my way home by myself. It's best to cut one's losses at that point. No more ass-grabbing, bosom-burying, barely adolescent men for me.

While there were some casualties of the weekend (like my lost / broken jewelry, dignity) it was overall a great time with friends. It also made me wonder how and where in the world I'll ever find a man worth dating.

P.S. Can someone teach me how to cut text behind a link in an entry? You know, where I can put in a 'continue reading' link so my entries don't always take up an entire page?


Fresh? said...

There are no men worth dating.

Settle for less.

womanofthelaw said...

As for your first point, I agree.

As for the second point, I'm willing. Can we define "less"? The bosom nuzzler? The friend-turned-desperately-horny mauler? I'd pick the teenager, as he seems not to be jaded by years of unsuccessful dating yet, but it appears that he had other people in mind.

Sanchovilla said...

Okay, a few things...

1. I'll stay away from the "men aren't worth dating" comment because I know I can't change your mind.

2. Great post...good to see you have enough internet access to blog.

3. You can go to this link and it will show you how to do continuation thing you were looking for:

Be careful cuz I was trying to do the same thing on mine and I didn't follow all the directions...I neglected to save my original template and go it erased.