Thursday, July 08, 2004

I'm going to rant...

You've been duly notified.

1. I'm working for a prosecutor in the fall and all I've heard about is how much that is going to hurt me when interviewing for public defender positions. I'll concede that I didn't emerge from the womb wanting to do defense work. I wanted to do prosecution. I wanted to do good work, I wanted to do justice. I wanted to give treatment to people who were struggling with addiction; I wanted to give mental health services to people who were struggling with mental illness; I wanted to rehabilitate people who had grown up in unfortunate circumstances; I wanted to be able to choose NOT to prosecute people for ridiculous crimes. I wanted to be the prosecutor that has an open-file discovery policy, a prosecutor who only uses good and honest information. My experience, so far this summer, has demonstrated that prosecutors rarely do this. Whether they don't have the discretion to do so or just choose not to, I don't know. But I don't like it. I'm at my best when I'm working with individuals and advocating for individuals - I hate representing some nebulous, intangible government interest. I did a death penalty clinic, I'm working for a public defender this summer, and then next spring I'm doing more death penalty work. But one semester of prosecution nullifies three semesters of defense work? I've committed to this internship and I'd feel bad backing out at this point. In January and February I honestly wasn't sure where I'd feel most comfortable working. Knowing that I'd have plenty of defender experience, since that's where I was leaning at the time, I explored the possibility of doing prosecution. And I can't help but think that I'm going to be unemployed for years because of that. And it really seems that anyone who did corporate law or real estate law or waitressing their second summer would have a better shot than me at doing defender work. can this be possible?!?!

2. Hot coffee + ice DOES NOT EQUAL iced coffee, ok? It equals lukewarm and watery crud in a cup. That's $2 I can't get back, thankyouverymuch.

3. [DELETED rant about coworker.]

4. Thus far, every important memo that has been sent to us 3 interns in regards to how we're supposed to do something has been a direct response to something that I've done wrong. I'm upset because I don't make a decision without getting approval from the attorney I work with - but then I get these memos from the supervisor. Listen, I'm trying here... my work is my life. This isn't just a job to me, this is my passion, my reason for waking up every morning. It's very personal to me. I'm having a very difficult time with this reactionary feedback. It also makes it look like I've just been making decisions willy-nilly, a renegade law intern, when that's not the case at all. I'm not NEARLY that confident. I'm incredibly distressed about this.

It's clear that I'll be known as "Homeless Woman of the Law" because there is no way that anyone will ever hire me. I look like an idiot, my coworker is going to climb right over me for every position I apply to, and I can't even work in a coffeeshop to pay off my loans because of my stringent iced coffee standards.

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