unsettled

I've had several journal-worthy moments of introspection, but those moments never occur when I'm anywhere near my journal, and after a gross weekend of miserable weather and trekking all over this city looking for housing, I'm in no mood to reflect or chronicle anything. Because if I were to die tomorrow, and someone found my journal, it would be clear that I was nothing more than a cranky bitch.

So, when I'm this disgruntled, I turn to the internet. The good news is that I accepted an offer to move into an apartment. I was so grumpy all day today because everything was so up in the air, and I dropped a solid $40 on transportation fees alone over the past week, and I feel like such a miserable burden to the dear friend who is allowing me to crash on her floor indefinitely. I like the place and the person living in the place that I accepted. She has a dog that I 100% fell in love with when I visited, and it was requited love (what can I say, the bitches love me). I left a message for potential future roommate, saying Yes! I will move in! but she hasn't called me back with the details, and if you know anything at all about me, internet, it's that I get frantic until I'm sure that all is resolved. See, e.g., the entire job search over the past year.

I start work on Tuesday, and I CANNOT WAIT. I am also terrified, because I secretly believe that my class will be composed of people who are both beautiful and brilliant [To which TR said, "Then you'll fit right in!" which was a very smooth and appropriately reassuring line] but I feel ugly and dull and stupid.

I'm starting to get accustomed to life in a city, which frequently involves being leered at by men on the street. Sadly, this is a boost to my ego, last night in particular. One thugged out young black man commented on my beauty and attractiveness in such an exhilarated and exasperated manner, as though his soul would never recover from me just walking on by and ignoring his remarks, that I was smirking and glowing the entire way to my destination, and then recounted the entire affair in an, "I wish all men were like this" type way.

Last night, I drank red wine and played card games and Balderdash, and I can't remember the last time I laughed so deeply.