Wednesday, October 05, 2005

it's complicated

Today, I went to lunch with a guy I started hanging out with at the end of law school. We started chatting, we hit it off, then there was finals and graduation and moving away. But for those three weeks or so when we were getting to know each other, and flirting, I was interested in him.

Then his "situation" showed up for graduation.

That's what he called her, until I sweetly cornered him into admitting that she just might be his girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend, but who travels hundreds of miles to see an ex graduate from law school?

We've exchanged a few emails and phone calls since then, all interactions being very pleasant and a little flirty, at least on my part. Today we had lunch, and I'm feeling pretty neutral about the whole thing. I'm not sure what's changed.

First off, I think he may not have left a tip. We both paid, but he didn't want to leave the money on the table, so we paid the cashier, but I have no idea where the money for the tip went. It didn't go back to the table. He seems like a super nice guy, so I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he somehow left the tip at the register.

Second, when I asked him about the 'situation,' he said, "I don't know what you think my status is with her." I wasn't sure how to say, I have no fucking clue, because you were never really clear on that, nor did you seem to be clear on that yourself, so I merely said, "Well, I didn't mean to box you into anything." I could feel myself turning red, particularly since bringing up his 'situation' was a bit of a non-sequiter. He said, "Well, we're not... it's... no. She's not moving here. But we still talk." Which still doesn't quite answer the question, still leaves too much to infer, but I suppose that's as good as it gets.

But you know what? That's not good enough anymore. Friendster, in addition to shaking the very foundation of my social fabric by retroactively revealing what a stalker I am to thousands of strangers, has added a new relationship distinction: "It's complicated." No, it's not. I want to have crazy, dirty, passionate, do-it-again-in-the-morning interactions with a member of the opposite sex. It's been ages since I've even been attracted to someone. (Unless you count the shirtless tattoed contractor who was working downstairs this morning). I want a guy who will put his hand on the small of my back as I pass. I want a guy who is sincere, and assertive, and who makes me feel like I'm the sexiest, most interesting woman in the room. I want a guy who makes a mental note when I mention my birthday, and then does something about it.


I do not want situations, or complications. I do not want to invest my time, my energy, my flirting on someone who doesn't know whether he's available or not.

I had the most articulate and profound insight here, but then blogger lost my post. It went something like, every time I start to overcome my own doubts about my dateworthiness, I get mired in procedural mishaps like situations and complications. I'm working on taking risks - slow, small risks - and I'm derailed not by rejection, or disinterest, but a "situation"? In all the time we've chatted, she just never came up in conversation?

And what does lunch on a Wednesday mean, anyway? It's less commital than say, dinner or drinks after work? Lunch on a Wednesday is 'Hey, how are ya, nice to see you, all your limbs are intact, which is good, see you in 4 or 5 months.'

Really, it's simple. Let's converse, let's connect, let's get something smoldering, and when I can't stop smiling, and laughing, and gazing into your eyes, lean forward and kiss me. And if you aren't sure whether you are allowed to do that, then don't waste my time.

[edit] and as if he READ my thoughts, or my blog, Mr. STF wooed me. I should have gotten him drunk in Vegas and tricked him into marrying me before I moved away.


Fresh? said...

I LOVE it when women shout "woo me" -- especially in bed.

E. McPan said...

Haha - Woo me. This guy sounds pretty iffy, but maybe he's worth the wait. He should be upfront about "the situation," though.

TSC Girl said...

I completely agree with you!

Anonymous said...

no one. NO ONE has ever said it better. Thank you. It's my away message.

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