Wednesday, July 06, 2005

because this is my life, and you just can't make this shit up

Roommate beckoned me out of bar review class today.  I got outside the classroom and shut the door, and she pulled out a big envelope from Funding Agency.  We opened it and viola! an invitation to submit a full proposal.  Roommate clapped and squealed and hugged, and I just stared blankly.  My mind was reeling.  The continuous uncertainty of all of this is wearing on me.  Today was a particularly grouchy day for me because I got very little sleep last night, so I got no work done, and I've gone through the past two days of bar review having truly not heard one word that was spoken.  This letter should be happy news - I should be excited that there is a chance I can work this out after all.  And I really want this to work.  But I'm tired, and I don't want to keep fighting this fight, and I want to just whine and cry about the fact that it's not fair that everyone else knows what they are doing and where they are going - at least, where they are going - and I don't even know that.  NOT having a job at all would be less stressful at this point, because at least I could study for the bar uninterrupted, take August off, and then figure this shit out. 

I'll save my rant about the timing of this proposal (when it's due) and the work necessary to accomplish it for another day.

But hey!  Look at me.  I'm a rockstar.  Round 2.  here we go.

Pardon me while I repeatedly slam my head in the door.

5 comments:

CM said...

Hey! This is great news.

I know it's still stressful and uncertain, but now you've got a shot.

Sounds like you could use a break, though.

notguilty said...

Shizmit.

I'm learning how to 'network'.

your life could be worse.

WomanoftheLaw said...

Yeah, life could be worse. I need to stop being such a complainer. But this proposal is going to require a lot of work, at a time in which I'm supposed to be (and need to be) studying 12 hours a day, and the proposal is due the same week that I have to take the bar and move out of my house and go halfway across the country for a wedding. I need to get letters from 8 bazillion people before then, that MUST accompany the application, not sent separately. I have to start from scratch with digging up statistics, complaints, needs analyses, etc, etc. I'm just really, really tired. Every time I've started to gear myself up for what's next, something happens to completely dismantle that. I know that the job search is difficult, but this is just absurd. I will be homeless in 3 weeks, with not so much as a clue as to what happens next. The motherfuckin' yellow brick road and Wicked Witch were nothin compared to his. I need some goddamned ruby slippers and a few sidekicks. Where's my fucking drink?

Sanchovilla said...

Congrats on moving on to another round of more running around! I can probably scrape up one ruby slipper (don't ask but it's a man's size 13) and a half a bottle of stoli and one of tequila. What? I'm just doin what I can.

notguilty said...

Ahh. .you are on the verge of greatness. I feel it. All of this work, the exhaustion, the nervousness, its all going to lead to something really wonderful.

You are IT. Just keep on going. It will be good at the end of the day, I'm sure of it.