Roommate beckoned me out of bar review class today. I got outside the classroom and shut the door, and she pulled out a big envelope from Funding Agency. We opened it and viola! an invitation to submit a full proposal. Roommate clapped and squealed and hugged, and I just stared blankly. My mind was reeling. The continuous uncertainty of all of this is wearing on me. Today was a particularly grouchy day for me because I got very little sleep last night, so I got no work done, and I've gone through the past two days of bar review having truly not heard one word that was spoken. This letter should be happy news - I should be excited that there is a chance I can work this out after all. And I really want this to work. But I'm tired, and I don't want to keep fighting this fight, and I want to just whine and cry about the fact that it's not fair that everyone else knows what they are doing and where they are going - at least, where they are going - and I don't even know that. NOT having a job at all would be less stressful at this point, because at least I could study for the bar uninterrupted, take August off, and then figure this shit out.
I'll save my rant about the timing of this proposal (when it's due) and the work necessary to accomplish it for another day.
But hey! Look at me. I'm a rockstar. Round 2. here we go.
Pardon me while I repeatedly slam my head in the door.