Perhaps it's time to implement a tiebreaker. I've always thought a valuable skill to have is the ability to figure out who's not a good long-term fit for you quickly, otherwise you end up in multi-month/multi-year relationships that are a waste of time.
It's not a skill I really have though, so I can't offer much advice on how to actually implement it. To be good at it I imagine you have to build a set of heuristics over time.
Here's why. When I was in college, I had a short time when I was dating 2 guys at once. We'll call them Dave and Charlie. Because that wasn't their names. Alright, any time I was with Charlie, I felt bad, and I was thinking about Dave. When I was with Dave, I wasn't thinking about Charlie too much. So, I took that as a sign that maybe I was more interested in Dave, so I should end things with Charlie and focus my attentions.
So, I did. And I got more serious with Dave. And then eventually he broke my heart and dumped my ass. And then I always wondered, maybe I should have really been with Charlie, maybe we would have lived happily ever after.
At the very least, I didn't have to decide as early as I did. Maybe if I had kind of just kept things going a while the way they were, I would've gotten the idea that Dave was destined to break my heart and that Charlie would always be a good guy.
Now Charlie is married to my then-best friend. Who helped console him when I dumped him for Dave. Who then dumped me. What goes around comes around, I guess.
Hope that helps, but I realize it probably doesn't much.
3 comments:
Perhaps it's time to implement a tiebreaker. I've always thought a valuable skill to have is the ability to figure out who's not a good long-term fit for you quickly, otherwise you end up in multi-month/multi-year relationships that are a waste of time.
It's not a skill I really have though, so I can't offer much advice on how to actually implement it. To be good at it I imagine you have to build a set of heuristics over time.
Grrr. I disagree.
Here's why. When I was in college, I had a short time when I was dating 2 guys at once. We'll call them Dave and Charlie. Because that wasn't their names. Alright, any time I was with Charlie, I felt bad, and I was thinking about Dave. When I was with Dave, I wasn't thinking about Charlie too much. So, I took that as a sign that maybe I was more interested in Dave, so I should end things with Charlie and focus my attentions.
So, I did. And I got more serious with Dave. And then eventually he broke my heart and dumped my ass. And then I always wondered, maybe I should have really been with Charlie, maybe we would have lived happily ever after.
At the very least, I didn't have to decide as early as I did. Maybe if I had kind of just kept things going a while the way they were, I would've gotten the idea that Dave was destined to break my heart and that Charlie would always be a good guy.
Now Charlie is married to my then-best friend. Who helped console him when I dumped him for Dave. Who then dumped me. What goes around comes around, I guess.
Hope that helps, but I realize it probably doesn't much.
Dump 'em both. See which one you miss more.
Or get some third dude involved. He may be better than both of these guys. Then you won't have this conundrum.
Or just don't listen to me. Yeah, that's best.
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