Thursday, June 28, 2007

it's not you, it's me.

Tom asks, "When's the last time you were someone's girlfriend?"
 
Seven or eight years ago.  No joke.  Not since college.  Don't get me wrong - if I had my choice, I'd have a boyfriend.  But I haven't met anyone who I wanted to be my boyfriend, and even if I had, I doubt he'd want me to be his girlfriend.  I've become so accustomed to being by myself that I'm not sure how to include someone else in my life now.  Give me 2 more years and I'll officially be a spinster.  Not because I'll be too old, but just because I'll be totally incapable of forming intimate relationships.
 
In the beginning, Frontrunner mentioned that he was just getting out of a long relationship and wasn't looking to jump into another.  He said he tends to be in long relationships (5+ years).  I told him I have a 3 date maximum.  It's true.  So for the time that we've been dating, Frontrunner has teased me about this 3 date rule and has been determined to break it.  We don't count the times we've spent hanging out with groups (which is many) and we don't count the times that we sat on the couch and watched TV.  So by that count, we've been on 2.5 or 3 dates.  (Once we had dinner and drinks, then met up with a group.  Does that count as 1/2 or 1?)  And sure enough, I've hit the wall. 
 
I feared we'd run out of things to talk about, and I feared that's what would lead to the eventual demise, and I think that point has arrived.  I like him.  I think he's sweet.  I'm attracted to him.  But I don't feel interested. 
 
I'm not ready to walk away from this yet, because he's a pretty great guy, and I'm an idiot. 

4 comments:

Sanchovilla said...

You're soooo NOT an idiot...it just seems like you're trying to protect yourself and eensy weensy bit.

Anonymous said...

You are an idiot

Sanchovilla said...

AN damnit AN!!!!

Consigliere said...

You have an unreasonable expectation about your relationships. All relationships, after getting past the honeymoon phase of great sex and recounting stories, involve sharing the day to day excitement/drudgery of life. Either accept this or accept your desire for short-term hit and run relationships. Pretty simple.