Friday, December 29, 2006

Letter to Potential Suitor

I've got a glass of red wine down the hatch and I'm working on the second. So while I've got this warm feeling that I'm no doubt mistaking for honesty and the desire to be happy just the way I am, I think this is what you need to know.

I did the online dating thing briefly, so I'm not interested in kicking up an acquaintanceship over the internet. I prefer that the majority of our significant interactions happen in person, because when I did the internet dating thing, I had the same conversations over and over again with different guys and every time after we met in person it didn't work out. When I did speed dating that one time, I hit it off with that one guy that I never thought I'd like on paper, but after a conversation something sparked, and flickered into flames (until he ousted me).

I'm not trying to blow you off, I just don't want to have the same getting to know you conversations only to find that we're not really a good fit in the end. I like the idea that our connection can be based on conversations we have in person, and things that we do together. That's how my best friendships have developed, and I think relationships probably work the same way.

I feel lonely more often than I'd like to, but I've also grown too accustomed to having all of my time as my own. I enjoy having the autonomy of singlehood - I don't need to check with anyone before I do something, if I'm feeling off-kilter then I can take a weekend and just shut out the world, I don't have to worry about whether I am keeping up my end of the bargain. Not being in a relationship also means never having to fret about whether you like me as much as I like you, never having to wonder why such an amazing person would be interested in little old me, never having to worry about not being pretty enough or girly enough or funny enough or just ENOUGH, enough to keep your attention and your affection and your interest. Enough, to give you enough and be available enough to you and attend to you when you need it.

I'm afraid of dating anyone that I know I'll have to see again. I won't date anyone at work, or anywhere that I go regularly. That means once I know you well enough to like you, it's going to be uncomfortable, because then suddenly I'm in a situation so if it doesn't work out, then my day changes without you in it, and I have some regularly scheduled reminder of yet another dating failure.

Despite those shortcomings, I think that for the right person, I'm looking forward to having a lot of fun in shared activities, whatever they may be, and I'm looking forward to being attentive and flirty and supportive and thoughtful and doting and adventurous and committed to someone other than myself.

Chances are, we won't make it past the second date. But it's not you, it's me.

Unless it's you.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are at your finest when you write about you.

Chances are, we won't make it past the second date. But it's not you, it's me.

Good stuff.

Tutorialblog said...

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Reg Marv

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Kristina said...

Your 4th paragraph really hit home for me. That's exactly how I feel most of the time, which worries me. Maybe, despite my age I'm already too set in my ways to accept another person, another concern into my life.

But anyway, the point of this comment was to tell you I think this is great stuff. So true.