I've had friends tell me that I don't smile as much as I used to, that I don't seem to be having fun in life anymore, that I no longer seem inspired. It's true. I've wilted inside. I feel like I conduct my days on autopilot. I had a work nightmare on Christmas night. I do love my job, but more in theory than in practice. In practice I'm riddled with doubt and stress.
In the past, I've had a jobs working with at-risk youth, doing educational advising and mentoring. Recently an old boss got in touch with me and asked me to meet with a student who is currently in the program. We met today, and my whole world seems brighter. The jobs that I have loved most have been jobs where I've done advocacy work with juveniles in a non-courtroom setting. I recently saw a job posting that was actually a job description I had created, doing similar advocacy work with incarcerated juveniles, and it broke my heart to not jump on it. I feel like I have to be good at what I do now before I can move on. But you know what? It's a New Year, and my resolution is to work towards that job. That's what I want, that's what I love, and that one hour meeting with an inspiring and incredible young person made me realize that's what is missing from my life.