Wednesday, July 18, 2007

regarding that last post

Disregard the "I can do good things at my job" because today came back and slapped me in the face on that one.
and by "uncertainty" I mean, he stopped calling. 
so that's that.
I did what any other healthy human being would do, and started drinking at lunchtime, and just stopped about an hour ago when I suddenly decided, out of the blue, that it was time for me to go home and cry.  Instead, I came home and blogged.  But the crying will probably come later.  Because I TOLD YOU SO - it hurts to unravel it all later.  There is probably a very good reason for the silence, but I won't be able to forget, next time (if) I hear from him, how it felt when I didn't.  And then we get to start from the beginning, where I'll keep him at arm's length until he tricks me into thinking that it might be ok to let go.


Sanchovilla said...

There HAS to be perfectly good explanation! I know you already have a dad but careful with the I'm one to talk.

Do you really believe that its tricking?

Blonde Justice said...

He sucks. There's always Harry. (Potter, of course.)

Here's to a good weekend of mental recovery.

Seth Abramson said...

I was at a wedding this past weekend--a particularly bad time in my life for me to be at a wedding, but that's another story altogether--and one of the guests said to me the following: "The thing about drinking is, it either a) elongates an experience, or else b) deeply, deeply worsens it." [I tended to see these as one and the same thing, but then again this guy was drunk at the time, so I'm not sure an expectation of coherence was warranted anyway].

Here's hoping you find your own personal option c).

The only real solution in these times is to wake up tomorrow. Something will happen--you'll hear a pleasantly familiar song on the radio, see some kids shoplifting from a pharmacy, notice a particularly unexpected cloud pattern which reminds you slightly of a favorite crime scene--and you'll realize there's plenty, plenty of brightness ahead.

That, and you're not alone; I can't think of a public defender I've ever worked with who didn't have a host of hair-raising anecdotes about their personal life. Passionate people lead passionate lives. The highs are higher and the lows are lower. But on the whole, would we trade that for a life of insistent, claustrophobic mediocrity?

Well, of course we would. But we'd be idiots to do it.

So good luck and best wishes!