It's a question of dignity, really.

I was going to email Mr. Maybe. I'm drawing up this fellowship proposal that involves his agency. There's a chance that my proposal duplicates services they already offer, and since I have never worked for this agency, proposing something that already exists would make me look like a total ass to the agency, thus significantly lessening my chances of obtaining a fellowship with them. So I figured, hey, I'll call him, and let him know what I'm thinking, and he can tell me whether this already exists, or what already does exist, and then my proposal will be totally kick-ass.

Tonight, I put on weather-appropriate clothing in addition to my stunning t-shirt and sweatpant ensemble and trudged over to a friend's house. After a hot bowl of stew, some dart practice, and a surprisingly enlightening and insightful conversation with two guy friends, I decided against contacting Mr. Maybe. They completely called me out on the fact that I was mixing personal issues with professional issues. I don't deny it- that's why I was seeking their feedback. I mean, if I emailed him about the job stuff, his response or lack thereof would, in my mind, reflect on the status of our acquaintanceship. If he didn't email me back, I'd be upset and insulted. If he did, but limited it to answering my questions in a cursory fashion, I'd also hate him, and would be hurt and stung by his response. If he emailed me, and included a "hey, how are you? this is what I've been up to" then I'd read far more into it than it actually means. Even more importantly, I think I need to reinforce my desire to make my next move based on reality, and what's best for me, and not some brief shred of unrivaled passion that I encountered one summer.

After coming to that conclusion and putting back a brewsky with the boys, we played some darts and I convinced them to watch "Y Tu Mama Tambien" because I've been DYING to see it. I LOVED it. GREAT MOVIE! I saw "Maria Full of Grace" today and although I liked it, I thought Y Tu Mama Tambien was better. We drank lots more red wine, played more darts, did silly and ridiculous things with internet dating sites, and had more red wine. I've missed having the type of plain old vanilla night that is just really, really good.