These are not defenses.

I've heard a lot of interesting legal theories lately.  The ones that I've heard with bewildering frequency:

 

WOTL:  "Ok, so you're being charged with marijuana possession.  It says you had it in your right hand."

Client:  "Naw, man!  I didn't possess anything!  I was with my friend, and these two other guys my friend knows came over.  I just took a hit and was about to pass it to one of the other guys.  Then the cops came out of nowhere and arrested me!  Not even anyone else!  That ain't right."

WOTL:  "So the marijuana was in your hand when the police came up to you?"

Client:  "Yeah, I guess."

WOTL:  "So you possessed it."

Client:  "Uh, yeah."

WOTL:  "Let's talk about the plea bargain."

 

Client:  "I don't think you know this, but the charges have been dropped."

WOTL:  "No they haven't."

Client:  "Yes they have.  Maybe you didn't bother to check, but the case is dropped.  He/she told the DA they're dropping it."

WOTL:  "'Dropping charges' is like the Tooth Fairy.  Doesn't exist.  Only the DA can drop the case, and the DA is recommending 6 months jail."

 

WOTL:  "It says you possessed cocaine."

Client:  "Well that's not right.  How much does it say I had?"

WOTL:  "Two zips."

Client:  "See?  They gotta drop the charge because it was just personal use."