Wednesday, August 15, 2007

on being a public defender: destroying my youthful good looks

Not quite being at the point where I can coexist peacefully with the burgeoning wrinkles under my eyes, or the (GASP!!!) dreaded vertical wrinkle emerging from my upper lip (only grandmas have those!) because I am only 27 damnit, I figured I'd start accusing. 
Hereinafter, every blemish shall be labeled.  Did you ever have a family member or teacher that did that?  One that used gray hairs as a consequence of bad behavior?  Like somehow, my misbehaving or anxiety-inducing behavior influenced my mother's follicles.
"I can't help you stay out of jail if you're so damned insistent on finding your way back in" = wrinkles under left eye.
"I can't help you stay out of jail if you insist on never keeping your appointments with me or returning my calls" = wrinkles under right eye.
"Telling me that I'm on the DA's side and I suck and I ain't fightin' your case and I'm a worthless piece of shit" = wrinkle above lip
"Being accused by the DA of being deceptive and / or sneaky for requesting what my client is owed pursuant to the U.S. Constitution" = I imagine I must be sprouting a gray hair or ten for that.  I mean, I don't have any that I know of, but seriously, I owe an entire post to this discussion, because it happens so often that I am incredulous and mind-boggled.  Today, I was accused of using this "tactic."  Choke.  I'm sorry.  Did you really just call this a 'tactic'?  I'd call it "due process" or "a fair trial" but whatever.  If that's sneaky, then count me in.  
I do believe that my employer should reimburse for beauty maintenance expenses.  Not that I do any beauty maintenance.  But damn, a look in the mirror today really convinced me that maybe I should.  That wrinkle above the lip is scaring the bejesus out of me.


judgment proof said...

Two wrinkle reducing products to try: L'Oreal Wrinkle Decrease Collagen Filler and Neutrogena Anti-Wrinkle Intensive serum. I have used both, and they both work to REDUCE the wrinkle's appearance. Prolonged and continued use with either product will not make the wrinkle permanently go away.
I have the dreaded vertical forehead crease that showed up on my 30th birthday. In the morning when I wake up it is at its worst, but soon after applying either one of these products, it is almost invisible. Neither one is cheap, but they are both a lot cheaper than botox or ruining your looks further by worrying about your wrinkle.

Sanchovilla said...

Ummm, not like I need it or anything but are these products...chick specific?

What I mean there stuff like this for guys. I have a friend with a wrinkle on his forehead that is just KILLING him!

judgment proof said...

They are marketed to chicks, but I'm sure they work just as well on "manly" skin. So feel free to pass it along to your "friend." If he's too "manly" to get them "himself," maybe he knows a sympathetic chick who will pick them out for him.

Sanchovilla said...

Sweet jeezus that stuff is expensive! My friend went to the store last night and found stuff marketed to men and women and those little tiny bottles cost about an hour of work! They'd better says my friend.

Anonymous said...

Try two or three hours of work depending on who you work for...They will cost me a days pay!!! Thank God I only have one. I don't want anymore.