why I love being an attorney

1) I had an altercation with a client in the hallway of the courthouse today. After I spoke with her, her parents spoke with me separately, discussing their concerns regarding her legal interests and mental health. The entire time I was speaking to her parents, I was doing all I could not to openly gawk at the necklace that my client's father was wearing. He was wearing the largest gold figurine of a woman receiving oral sex from a man that I have ever seen. It's probably the only gold configuration of people having oral sex that I've ever seen, but it was larger than I would have imagined such a thing would be, if you had described it to me. And it was hanging from his neck on a chain.

2) I was speaking with a client about a domestic argument that escalated into threats being thrown back and forth, and while explaining what happened he said, "You know, it was like, [insert client singing first few sentences of female pop song here]. Like that." Please imagine yourself in my shoes, my suit, my briefcase, my courthouse, in this conversation, and having your male client unexpectedly belt out a pop song as a way of describing how he came to be arrested. Quite accurate, but unexpected nonetheless.

This is the best freakin' job in the world.