I won but not the way I should have or wanted to. So I didn't feel good about the win, because it didn't feel right, although I think in the end I should have won for the right reasons. There were many reasons I should have won, those just weren't the right ones. How crappy is that? I get a win and can't be happy about it, on principle. But I suppose my opponent now knows a bit what it feels like to be a P.D. - to be on the losing side for the wrong reasons.
I am applying for jobs, more for geographical purposes than anything else. This is a huge deal. I do not feel ready for change, only because I'm scared. I'm afraid that I'll end up without a job somehow, or that I'll feel as though I've made a terrible decision, or that I'm making decisions that bring me no closer to the right path. I am totally and completely afraid. Also, I am dismayed how many people want my law school transcripts or want me to write an essay about what life experiences I have that make me a good public defender. Um, well, I am a public defender. I've been a PD for 4 years. I found that to be very good preparation for being a public defender. I thought it would be easier to make a lateral move - but it's the exact same process, 4 yrs later.