Shhhhh. You hear that? Tick, tock.
Today I had a wonderful Sunday planned. I was going to meet a friend for brunch and some concentrated window shopping. While waiting for my friend, I picked up a newspaper. I LOVE Sunday papers and coffee. I read 7 newspapers online every morning. This morning, I decided I'd pick up a NY Times, since it's the paper I have the least tolerance for online and it has the most reading material. (That shit is NOT cheap!)
I did have a nice brunch, and pleasant window shopping. Then we retreated to a coffeeshop to read the paper. And behold, today was Conception Sunday! at the New York Times. There were extensive articles about women partners in law firms, about choosing to be a single mom through artificial insemination, and several other articles along those lines.
I've been doing a fair amount of dating recently, quite unsuccesfully. Only two guys I considered seeing again: one who said he wanted to "keep in touch" after the first date but has since not corresponded; and one who I finally decided yesterday not to see again. I decided not to see him again, after dating him for a little over a month, because he seems to be content to be my drinking buddy and then have sex with me. It doesn't bother me that he wants that, but I don't. He can look for it elsewhere. Dating is really tiring. It takes a lot of energy to invest time and interest in someone else. It means giving up quality time with my closest friends, or quality alone time, to put on layers of makeup and fret over clothing and make small talk. I'm going to stop dating for a few weeks to get my life back in order and to regain some sanity and perspective. I assure you it won't be hard to give up dating. It's not something I do very often anyway.
Then the New York Times comes up with Conception Sunday! and now I'm sitting here wondering if this will be me. Will I be considering suitable sperm donors? Will I tiredly concede that the life I wanted to lead just isn't going to happen, and that I'm going to have to go on anyway? How do I know if I'm going down the wrong path? My planner has three weddings and a baby arrival scheduled for this year. None of them belong to me; I just bring a token gift and the sneaking suspicion that I'm That Single Girl everyone pretends to envy but secretly pities, since all I have to show for my days are a pile of empty wine and beer bottles and loads of excitement about the 4th, 5th, and 6th Amendments. My life is generally fulfilling to me, except for moments like this one, when I am suddenly seized by the fear that OH MY GOD THIS IS ALL WRONG.
Thanks, New York Times, for ruining This Single Girl's Sunday.