Reflections on 2004

Favorite moments:
- Having the best. job. ever. this summer. All moments at job, including bad ones, are the best of 2004.
- Watching a week of a capital trial
- Meeting a hot young public defender in the middle of the pouring rain at a baseball game. Seeing said hot public defender a few days later, having him trick me into kissing him, seeing his two tattoos, and watching him take off his shirt to reveal a perfect, chiseled, olive-skinned body and !surprise! a nipple piercing. Yum.
- Going out to a Latin/Euro bar with summer roomie and meeting Argentinian men
- Dancing drunkenly to Bon Jovi in a small apartment
- a perfectly pleasant 25th birthday party
- seeing Kanye West perform
- walking home after a night of fancy dinner, drinks, karaoke, police, then a bar - and being intercepted by a hot Latino man who steered us into a party, then later making out with hot Latino man in the middle of undergrad party
- The Red Sox winning the World Series. and the Patriots won the Super Bowl or something

Toughest moments
- leaving the summer behind
- attending funeral
- finding permanent employment (this is bound to be a large part of 2005)
- moving every semester, away from friends and familiar surroundings

Favorite: [this took me forever to edit down]
SONG: Maps by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs
ARTIST: Kanye West
MOVIE: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Big Fish, Love Actually
BOOK: One Hundred Years of Solitude and Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

My 'favorite' list makes me look trite. I need to develop much cooler cultural habits.

Appropriate New Year's Eve article: Drunk dialing.

Most people have pulled a drunken phone stunt at one time or another, according to a recent study by Virgin Mobile, which not so coincidentally offers, at least in Australia, a service that allows users to block the numbers of certain people during prime imbibing hours. (The feature - whose logo is a cell phone with a straw for an antenna - probably will be offered in the United States as early as next year.)


"Without embarrassment, there's no comedy," he said. "Life would be less rich."

If drunk dialing was eliminated by scheming cell phone companies, Taylor said, it "would be a loss" to the world.

Moved, again.

I'm back in my house, with my furniture, and my things. I'm glad to be
back - it feels so cozy and comfortable! I'm moving back into my old room
and I started taking things out of the closets. The closets in my room
are crumbly, and dark, but they're huge. They extend the entire length of
my room on both sides. I crammed them full of stuff before I left and now
I realize, since I haven't seen that stuff since May, that it's all junk!
I don't need any of it! I don't wear it, I don't use it, it's ripped, it
doesn't fit. I've spent the entire evening, not unpacking, but placing
clothing and books into piles of 'sell' 'donate' and 'trash. I have two
dressers in my room that used to both be packed with clothes - but now,
they're each only half full.

My car is leaking antifreeze. Again.

I'm working on some New Year's resolutions. I am constantly evaluating
and re-evaluating myself - perhaps I do so TOO much - so New Year's is
really the time to just organize them all.

A sample of the books I discovered in my closet that I started reading
long ago, left a bookmark in, and never finished:
A People's History of the United States, Zinn
On the Road, Kerouac
Other Side of Paradise, F. Scott Fitzgerald

Today's iTunes investment

playing on the iPod ad nauseum: "Get Back" by Ludacris (turned waaaay up while I belt it out loudly, of course).

AAARGH.

Romney to propose death penalty bill. There are some interesting things in there - two juries, a standard of 'no doubt' instead of reasonable doubt, etc. I'm still don't like it.

Something about Christmas really brings out the rejection letters in people. I got the expected rejection letter from one incredibly prestigious fellowship and I got a less expected deferral letter from another public defender agency with whom I had, I thought, an excellent interview. The deferral letter was very nice, stating that the agency could not offer me one of the few interviews in February but would like to keep my application under consideration for their hiring process in the late spring/summer. Apparently they're trying to add 50 public defender positions. I'm still waiting to hear anything at all from at least two other places.

Dear Friend,

How are you? We don't talk as often as I wish we did. Frankly, I haven't much to say. Nothing new here, really. Still in law school. Still no job. Still not dating anyone. Family's fine.

Sometimes I think that we're growing apart, because we're embarking upon different paths. We might not be making the same choices, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're any less of a friend to me. I think it's a testament to our friendship that we still keep in touch, despite the lapses of time and differences in our life. Additionally, I'm not sure that the differences in our lives amount to all that much.

So I'm bewildered at why you seem to be hurt that I'm not spending as much time with you, or that I don't call so frequently. I'm not sure why you might think that our friendship is less important because we don't see each other or speak to each other that often. And I'm also not sure why my actions are the ones upon which are friendship are based. What our friendship means to you shouldn't be based on what I do or don't do. You can call me. You can email me. Don't leave it all to me - I can't support a friendship on my own. And I have no way of knowing when you need me or what you need from me if you don't tell me.

I hope you aren't disappointed with me, and with my distance, or my infrequent contact. You've never come out and said it, but I sense it's there. I'm not sure what I can do to change that. I do wish we spoke more often, and saw each other more often, but I understand that we're both busy. We both have routines, and we both have a 'normal' day that differ greatly from each other. I think that's ok. But if it's not, you have to tell me.

I'm proud of all that you've accomplished. I speak of you to friends that you've never met. They all marvel at the fact that I'm still even in touch with you at all. I don't understand why I wouldn't be. We've watched each other take risks, make changes, and accomplish so many things. Even if our friendship is no longer effortless, I'm ok with that. We're family. Even if I don't see you again until next Christmas, or two Christmases from now, or even if our only contact is virtual, it's fine, because I want you to know that it doesn't make you any less important to me. Not at all. You are still such a critical part of my life, in ways that I can't even begin to express. I take risks because you'll be there to debrief with me when I need it, you'll hear the story later with a sympathetic ear, and you won't judge me or say 'I told you so.' The fact that I know you're there to talk and visit, when the timing is right, makes all the difference.

So call me when you need to, or just want to. I'll answer. Or at least I promise to call you back. And I'll call you, too, just to check in. I hope it's ok that it might take a while. I'm still trying to get myself set up. But I am thinking of you, and I care about you, and that doesn't ever change.

Sucker.

My roommate introduced me to the newest member of the household this morning. She's a 6 week old puppy. She's adorable. I'm a total sucker for animals and youth, and the combination of the two is unbearable. All of my roommates are working today, but I'm moving out on Thursday, so I'm home for most of the day. My roommate told me that I could let the puppy out of the crate to go outside and do her business. Well, I got back home a few minutes ago from running some errands and she was howling and covered in poo. The crate was an absolute disaster. I cleaned it. She also peed on the living room floor. I cleaned that. She's a total cutie pie, and I'd love to keep her out of her home all day to play with me, but I'm afraid that it would get her training off to a bad start. She only stops howling when she's sleeping, so I feel like a real jerk.

I can't believe I cleaned up that much poo. Ick. I'm no good with these things. I swore this is why I could never birth my own child or have a pet other than a cat. I need things that are already potty trained. Although, I did manage to clean this little mess, so perhaps there's hope for me yet.

I like my earlier blog-writing style better. I'm making a concerted effort to return to that style.

I have five bags of toiletries, and those are the ones that I don't use. The ones I do use take up less than a bag of space.

All of my booty calls are no longer available. They all have girlfriends. And as an aside, apparently none of my platonic friends were available to find some trouble this evening, either. Sigh. So I'm filling my new iPod with music. Some guys might think that's hot. I happen to feel kind of lame about it.

I am moving on Thursday. again.

I don't own the clothes I'm wearing, and the road goes on forever.

Last Monday, my car froze shut. The lock wouldn't turn, and even the unlocked doors refused to budge. I was dressed in my gym clothes and ready to go, for I had big plans. I wanted to get my car to the garage, finish some shopping, and get the Christmas cards out. That way, I could spend Tuesday and Wednesday with family, relaxing, before going to my parents' homes on Thursday.

Shame on me for trying to plan. Clearly I was taunting fate, karma, kismet. I sat on the couch all day, obsessing about getting to the gym, trying to figure out how I was going to work out. I was so miserable and snippy, that after sniping at one friend on the phone, he called me back and calmly offered to drive me to the gym after work, drop me off, and pick me up in an hour. My mood increased 115% after that. My day finally started, at 7 pm. We decided to run by Target to get some shopping done, and when I got to the register with an armful of gifts, I realized that my debit card was in my pants, at home. And all of my credit cards had been cancelled for the lost wallet that wasn't lost, so I had no way of paying for any of them. Friend kindly offered to front the money. I hate, hate, hate taking money from people. (Don't get me wrong - I do believe that merely because I am female, I am entitled to fancy dinners and drinks from men. But that's different). He insisted. I refused. He insisted. I relented.

Then the next day, Tuesday, I was supposed to take another friend to work so he could go straight to the airport. Alas, my door stayed frozen shut until Tuesday afternoon, and so I had no means of transportation. We ended up taking his car, and it all worked out. And he also gave me the keys to his house, so I had a car and a house to use while he was gone. It was a mighty sweet ride, but all I did was drive to the gym and then to his house. Ain't no way I was going to get so much as a scratch on that car.

There are many people in my life, these two men in particular, who are my saving grace. When I was in college, I had a computer hacker that was doing some fucked up shit to my computer, sending messages to other people and making my screen go blank, then typing messages to me. I was convinced that my computer was possessed and that my hacker was coming to slit my throat. I had no idea what was going on, and I was terrified. I called friend #2, shrieking and crying hysterically. He came right over. Just two weeks ago or so, I had a mattress that miraculously did not fit anywhere it was supposed to - not in my house or in friend #1's house. Friend #2 kindly allowed me to move it into his basement indefinitely. Friend #1 lent his truck to me so I could move it. While they were moving the mattress, I joked, "I must be damned good company." With these two friends in particular, as much as I try to give, I feel like I do far too much taking.

When I was at Target, cursing repeatedly at my stupidity, Friend #1 assured me, "That's what I'm here for." He's driven me to the gym, as a matter of fact I'm on his gym membership because the single fee was too expensive; he's bought me brunch; he's dragged me to and from the airport; he cooks for me, and I drink his beer daily.
Me: "But I'm supposed to be the helper. That's what I do! I take care of other people. I can't be the helpee! I have to be the helper! I am not helpless! I do not need anyone's help!"
Him: "Yes you do. Just admit it."

I hate feeling helpless. I hate when my car doesn't work, or my cards don't work, and I'm left to the mercy of others. I've learned to cope in my own ways, but as a result of my dirt-poor upbringing, little things like that turn into huge emotional issues for me. When I'm not in control of a situation, or things don't go as planned, my only safety net (control) gets yanked out from underneath me. Particularly in issues of money - like my car. I hate feeling helpless because it reminds me that my reality is so fragile, that I could be homeless and unemployed in a second, that I have nothing to fall back on, and no one to rely on except myself.

Except, it seems, I do.

Two nights ago, I had an incredibly vivid dream. I was in some sort of dormitory common area. I lived in the dorm and had an hour to wait for someone to arrive. The part I recall most clearly is the moment at which I realized that my neighbor, a large, cut, blond-haired, blue-eyed man, had come to sit on the couch next to me. I was so sleepy, and nodded off. I was slowly waking up and realized that the neighbor and I were curled up together. He was lying against me, with his back to my chest. My arms were curled around him, and he didn't mind that my face was buried in his neck. I couldn't figure out if this had happened by accident, or if he really wanted me to be curled up against him. He was awake, and didn't mind when I moved, nuzzling my nose back into his neck and shoulders. He didn't move at all, he stayed strong, not shifting, or pulling away. In my dream, I was still sleepy, and while I was falling back asleep I was trying to come up with the word to describe how warm and happy I felt at that moment, and why I was so content. When I drifted off, I finally found the word I was trying to come up with - unwavering. My handsome blond was unwavering - he was strong, I felt safe and protected, and he made it clear that he wasn't going anywhere. When I actually woke up from this dream, that deep feeling of contentment stayed with me the rest of the day.

I work hard in positions that demand a lot from me, and I'm relentlessly working to help other people, most of whom also believe that they don't need help. And I try to work tirelessly until the work is done, until I've shown them that I respect them, that sometimes life just deals us a bad hand, and that my help isn't charity - it's genuine concern for them as the strong, amazing individuals that they are.
As much as I say that I don't want to rely on anyone else, the truth is, I rely so heavily on the people in my life. The key element of my perfect mate will be an individual who takes care of me, who can hold me up when I'm feeling vulnerable and just too tired to do it on my own anymore, but who doesn't make me feel like I'm less capable or intelligent. I've been looking for men like this my entire life. I want someone who will take care of me, someone who won't be ripped out from under my feet, someone who makes me feel like I can finally put down my weary load at the end of the day without losing face.

I guess I'm slowly coming to realize how much those roles are already filled by other people in my life. Particularly by these two male friends. Every time I think about moving somewhere completely different, and trying something new, or striking out on a difficult career path, my thoughts are based on an unconscious assumption that I'm strong enough to do it, because if it doesn't work out, I have places to which I can retreat. I can go back to my high school and college friends and regroup, because they know who I am and how I feel without me having to say a word. I can return to my law school friends and be welcomed with open arms and rowdy dinner parties with bottles of wine and a home-cooked meal. Karaoke and violent Trivial Pursuit optional. My dreams about moving away and starting over are tempered by my fears that I'll lose these connections if I do move. I am now fully realizing how much I need to let the people in my life know how much they mean to me, the specific and particular roles that each one plays in my life. As much as I try to give as a friend, to be there, to remember important days and events, I fear that maybe I'm taking too much. I'm never afraid to reach out for a sympathetic ear when I'm feeling upset or unsure of myself, and there's a chance that maybe my friends don't realize that it's important for me to be a sympathetic ear to them as well.

I adore my two darling, unwavering male friends. Perhaps it's almost bearable that this morning, my car froze open instead of shut. I didn't lock any doors, knowing that they freeze, and I treated the rubber around the doors with a silicon spray. Nevertheless, the driver's side lock must be frozen, because it won't latch closed now, and the door remains shut only through the grace and genius of a rigged bungee cord. And it's good to know that at least one of them, if I bitch long enough, will drive me to the gym.

After my bestlawschoolfriend's brother's death, I went looking for some stationery to write her a long letter about how I was feeling and how much I cared for her. I think my New Year's Resolution will be try to do that for other friends. Probably mostly the female ones, since the guys don't do so well with things like that. It's probably safe to say that my friends don't realize how my strength in my work and everyday life comes from their presence in my life. I think it's important that they should know. I'm going to continue seeking out my unwavering Adonis, but until then, I have far too many other people and things to put my energy towards.

Dahlia comments on Alberto Gonzales as a candidate for Attorney General.

How did this happen?

Today, I:
Went to the gym
Mourned the loss of my beautiful, personalized, orange Nalgene bottle (R.I.P.)
Ate some of the kick-ass butternut squash and sweet potato soup that I made
Drank beer, ate leftovers from last night's dinner party, and watched episodes from the first season of "The O.C." Many of them. All afternoon.

Yes, you read that correctly. I was forced, against my principles, to watch The O.C. two weeks ago. And then last week I watched it because I REALLY WANTED TO. And then I spotted the first season of the O.C. at a friend's house and borrowed it. It's like crack, that show. I have about 5 more discs to get through though, and not nearly enough time! Argh!

Oh, and can we note that in the past two weeks I have lost 1. my wallet 2. my dangly earring 3. my favorite ring that I coveted and lurked around and finally bought when it was on absolute clearance discount at the uber-hip jewelry store and 4. the Nalgene bottle I've had for 5 years now, the only container from which I ever drink water which doubled as a 'purse' in law school when I clipped my key ring/wallet to it? HOW DOES ONE LOSE A GODDAMN NALGENE BOTTLE?!?!

I never lose shit. How am I such a basket case? And why, why the ring and the Nalgene bottle? Now I'm going to be uncool and dehydrated.

P.S. I'm humming the theme to The O.C. and it's making me happy. Similar to the way that the theme song of Sex and the City used to take me to a happy place, from about 1999 until the last episode last year. California, here we come...

Double your fun.

The Forbidden Fruit - the roommate of a friend that I secretly covet - has a twin. An identical twin. Who, last I knew, was not in a committed relationship. Now, I saw him maybe once in passing, but I've never been introduced, and secretly I had been hoping to meet him or get set up with him (months ago). Friend was going to work that for me, but it never happened. I long ago forgot about Twin until tonight. When he showed up at dinner. And he's identical. and cute. and nice. and he talked to me. and then he left.

But seriously. A twin. That's fucking awesome.

VA bills: increase scope of death penalty, sue gangs.

Legal Aid Society avoids bankruptcy

MPRE scores

I've noticed a lot of people getting to my site with the search term "fail MPRE." I figured I should respond to this, although I am not sure exactly how.

First off, the wonderful thing about the MPRE is that you can take it again. No one wants to, I'm sure. It's a miserable test. I finished it in an hour and left not knowing whether I had answered one single question correctly. I hated it.

If you haven't taken the MPRE, but are looking for hints: study for it. Take the BarBri or some other prep course, where they hand you a book of the essentials, take the practice exams, and hope for the best. You should start studying at least a week in advance - I picked up the book exactly one week in advance and just took a practice test every night before the exam, trying to learn what was on it. Perhaps this isn't the ideal way to 'learn' but trust me, the MPRE is not a test based on what you 'learn' - it's a test based on how you take tests.

I suppose the other option is always to sit for a bar in another state with a lower required MPRE score. My roommate has a theory that the MPRE, because it is scaled, actually scales you according to your ethical abilities to practice in each state. For instance, if you receive one point below the required MPRE score for say, New York, but it exceeds the requirement for Nebraska, what the MPRE did was test you and say, "Well, he's not ethical enough to practice in New York, but definitely ethical enough for Nebraska. Let's assign him this score." I think it's an amusing theory.

I'm fortunate enough to have the opportunity to attend a prestigious law school. Let me assure you, there are people everywhere who fail the MPRE. I know several people who didn't pass their first time. The MPRE, which is the same for the bar exam, I'm told, is failed only if 1. you didn't prepare or 2. have difficulty with multiple choice tests. Or both. The only hint I have for the multiple choice thing is, read the answers first, then read the question, then eliminate two obviously wrong answers. This is what Princeton Review teaches you for the SATs and LSATs, and it works.

You're without a doubt more ethical than the MPRE says you are. Ethics for lawyers by lawyers is screwed from the start. Don't worry, you'll be fine.

Lonely Saturday night. What do I do now?

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.

I covet the boyfriend of another. He's a roommate of a friend, and I
see him from time to time. And he's fun, easy-going, smart, and cute.
His girlfriend is very attractive - long red shiny curly hair
cascading down her back, a little shorter than me, great physique, and
incredibly hip and stylish. I have only met her once. She was
friendly, smart, a social organizer, likes cooking for friends. All
of the things that I thought I did until I met her, then I realized
that I was playing JV to her varsity. Le sigh. Anyway, I saw him
last night, and proceeded to have a night full of PG-rated but lovely
dreams about him. He touched my side, briefly, last night, to which I
responded, "Yes I will sleep with you." Well, ok, I didn't say it out
loud, but I was thinking it.

I woke up this morning on not nearly enough sleep and realized I had
missed a call at 1 a.m. There was a message from a friend agreeing
with my plan to get a hotel room tonight close to the funeral
services. I panic. I haven't planned to leave work early (I told my
boss, who asked me yesterday, that I'd be here all day), I had planned
on washing an outfit tonight, the weather was supposed to be bad, I
haven't packed, I don't even have a credit card to reserve a room on,
since all of my are cancelled. And then I remembered that tomorrow
night I have plans to take a friend out for her birthday, I made her
PROMISE that she would be available because I haven't seen her in
AGES.

I do realize that my role, the role that I've assigned myself, is the
role of planner and organizer. That's what I do. I organize, I make
sure everyone knows what's going on, and knows where to be, etc. Not
that anyone else needs me to do this - but it's something I do, and my
friends let me. But seriously people. CAN I GET MORE THAN 8 HOURS
NOTICE? Sheeeeeit. I packed (or threw clothing in a pile on top of)
my suitcase this morning just in case I need to leave as soon as I got
home, checked the weather (looks ok), packed my lunch, remembered the
3 weeks late thank-you letter to send out, and dashed out the door to
work, where I will spend the day trying to make these arrangements
while finishing up my work.

I haven't completely lost my mind yet, but I was a little thrown off
this morning. I purchased my coffee and bagel this morning and tried
reading the news online, but people are stopping by to chat, I had a
friend call (he said nice things - could it be that people actually
miss me?), and so my morning has just been really really fragmented.
I need a 30 min chunk of time to just organize my thoughts. I need to
make lists. Something.

Bailey's on the rocks. That's what I need.

WE GOT RENTERIA!

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=1946831

Is it a full moon? Are the stars in some bizarre alignment? What the
hell is going on today? Confrontations with friends, completely
out-of-the-blue phone call from a public defender office in northern
Georgia, and a verdict in the homicide case I've been watching. I
don't even know how to begin to process all this. I'm practically
leaping out of my skin.

I do my best processing with my hands on my keyboard. I should really
buy a journal - you'd be subjected to much less babbling.

As for the verdict - it was what I had originally predicted, although,
in light of some recent juror misconduct, I had my doubts going in.
Of the five counts against each defendant, they were each convicted of
one. I don't want to betray my defense roots, but I do believe that
the verdict was fair. I didn't go to the verdict because I wanted to
see a conviction - I went because I wanted to see for myself what a
verdict looks and feels like. I know, my "feelings" ramblings are
very non-legal. But, like Blonde Justice, my work isn't about the
cutting edge legal theory, or the concept of law itself - it's about
the individuals who get trapped in it. I think it's absolutely
critical for me to go into these experiences open to absorbing and
sensing the raw emotion of it all. And I think I did. The deceased's
family ran into the courtroom seconds before the verdict was read.
The courtroom was packed. The tension was unbelievable. There were
at least a dozen court officers standing along the bar. At the first
two "not guilty" verdicts, the deceased's wife was visibly upset.
Then the guilty verdict was announced on one of the counts. The
defendant's wife and mother began sobbing violently, although not
loudly. Then the second defendant was convicted on one of the last
counts read. The deceased's wife looked relieved. Then, brief
arguments were heard in regards to bail. The bail was revoked (both
defendants have been out for 5 years) and when they were ordered into
custody, and took off their jackets, and had the cuffs slapped on
their wrists, that's when it all went to hell. The mother passed out,
the wife was just hysterical and bewildered, and the defendants'
family was livid. One of the defendants' family members started
yelling outside the courtroom when it was over.

One of the ADAs that I've done the most work for this semester
recalled a probation revocation hearing he did some years ago. The
defendant's probation was revoked and the family was crying, yelling,
"Are you happy now? Now that you won?" He told me that he never
feels like he has won. There are no winners in the courtroom. I
think he's right. Seeing what I saw today makes me feel that way.

I'm sure it doesn't feel the same in say, drug possession cases.
There's a difference between the 'malum in se' crimes vs. the 'malum
prohibitum crimes.

Then I went to the grocery store because gay friend Will offered to
make me dinner. I was going to provide the salad and the wine. The
butternut squash was on sale, which was great because I've been dying
to make this killer recipte for butternut squash and sweet potato
soup. I picked up squash, sweet potatoes, an apple (the recipe calls
for it), plus three yogurts for fun, the trappings for salad, and a
magazine to read at the gym. I reach into my pocketbook at the
register and... my wallet is not there. At all. I can't pay, so I
run to my car. Wallet's not there. My wallet NEVER leaves my purse.
I rush home. Wallet's not there. I've never had my wallet stolen
before, and I know I had it when I got home before I left for the
grocery store. So I called and cancelled all my credit cards. As I
was on the phone with the bank cancelling my card, I found my wallet,
somehow kicked into the dark corner of the laundry room downstairs.
Argh.

So I had dinner, and calmed down. Drank some red wine. Will's
roommate J joined us, cooking dinner for himself and his girlfriend T,
who happens to be a coworker of Will's. Will brought down a pile of
stocking stuffers he didn't want - combs, CD cases, etc. He went
through each item one by one, and right before he got to the last
item, his phone rang. He left the room to go answer it, and so I
poked at the last item in his pile. It was a talking picture
frame/alarm clock. I thought I would be funny and take it out of the
wrapper, record a message for Will, and then put it back, to trick
Will into playing the message, thinking it had come right out of the
box like that. I recorded the message, and J and I joked about the
picture that came with the frame. I put the frame away, and a few
minutes later T came over, sat down, and said, "Did you see what
Will's godson gave him? He recorded his voice on the alarm clock
frame." I froze. No way. I totally recorded over it, thinking that
Will was trying to give away the stocking stuffers the way he had
given away the rest of them. FUCK. I got totally busted.

Today has just been nutty.

Could I go to Georgia?

Peterson case

A friend pointed out that he had expected me to discuss or put up a
link regarding the Scott Peterson case. I, frankly, hadn't really
planned on doing much more than mentioning, as I did yesterday, that
it was bizarre to hear ADAs cheering the decision. Why? Because I
think this trial is no different, legally speaking, from the thousands
of other trials that run through the court system every day. The only
difference is that this case was hyped. I'm not sure what there is to
say about it. Everyone knows the jury recommended death - I don't
have to bring that to anyone's attention. I categorically oppose the
death penalty. I think it's inhumane that people are cheering for the
fact that they heard their fellow human beings determine that a human
being must be killed. Why? Does it bring back the already deceased?
No. Will it provide closure to the victim's family? No - and as a
matter of fact, there is substantial literature and research regarding
victim's families who say that after the defendant is executed,
they're surprised to discover that it doesn't help at all. How has
society improved as a result of this recommendation? And why does our
country believe that state-sanctioned killing is the answer? I think
the members of the jury should have to watch the execution, if not
'push the button' or 'pull the switch.' How rewarding is it to watch
someone die? Isn't that why Scott Peterson is on trial on the first
place? Because he had no right to kill his wife, and the jury found
that he did? Why does a randomly selected panel of 12 people make it
better than the decision of 1 random person? Death is death. Killing
a human being at the hands of another is just that, no matter how you
slice it. You've all been subjected to my struggles with death
recently - guns and violence in this homicide trial, my friend's
brother, the death penalty in general. I have more faith in people
than all this.

I don't know if he did it or not. I didn't sit through months of
circumstantial evidence. I didn't convict and then condemn a man to
death for his absence of emotion (ah yes, Tom, "The Stranger"?)... I
think that Peterson, it seemed, had a great defense team, should have
had a different jury for sentencing than he did for conviction if for
no other reason than the fact that the attorney sort of had to argue
inconsistent theories (he didn't do it; ok, well at least don't kill
him for it then....) and that's pretty much it. An eye for an eye
leaves the whole world blind.