tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7105917.post4601500209037919840..comments2023-09-28T11:03:34.448-05:00Comments on Woman of the Law: superrelationships, monogamy, and please stop asking.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7105917.post-3964765097551010682008-04-09T14:23:00.000-05:002008-04-09T14:23:00.000-05:00I totally understand your feelings on this issue--...I totally understand your feelings on this issue--whether or not it's reasonable to expect total fulfillment from one person. I've considered this issue before and concluded that (for me at least) that it's impossible and impractical to get everything you need and want from your interactions with just one person (namely, your SO). Moreover, to hold such a view is to diminish the importance that other relationships have in your life. I am particularly close with some of my female friends and can have meaningful discussions with them that I could never really have with my SO, such as frank discussions about sex, relationships, family issues, and other matters than are interesting to explore from a shared perspective. While I really value my female friends in this respect, this does not entail that I value my SO any less. My SO and I share a love for travel and new experiences, and this shared interest is often hard to accommodate with friends who are more likely to enjoy pontificating than being active; he also has DIY fix-it skills that I admire and are mostly lacking in all my other “intellectual” friends, but all of the above doesn’t make me value my friends any less either.<BR/><BR/>The way you describe your relationship with your current SO seems to parallel my own relationship. He’s more social than me, a bit more laid back than me, and not nearly anywhere as analytical as I am. I can’t discuss philosophical ideas with him and expect the same analytical rigor I might expect/desire with my other friends who are academics; however, because I do not have such expectations of him, I am not often disappointed by him in this respect. Sometimes, I am, but I when that happens, I remind myself that we are two different people with different personalities—but don’t take that to mean that I turn down every opportunity to challenge him on an issue where I feel he could have a better understanding. :)<BR/><BR/>As to whether or not it’s better to be with someone you’re content with or “raises the hair on the back of your neck,” when I find myself involved with the latter, these are often people who are not good for long-term relationships, although they tend to be very bright and enjoy discussing esoteric topics. For some reason, I have always found that my best relationships have been with people who it took me awhile to come to appreciate or “grow into” (I am definitely someone who does not rush to the altar). If what you want is a long-term relationship, then you should list those qualities that a long-term partner should have and are necessary for the kind of relationship you want to have. I guess you could think of dating as an activity where we get to figure out what qualities stay on the list and what ones get dropped. And, if you’re not interested in having long-term relationships, then that list doesn’t have to play a predominant role in your love-interest decisions.<BR/><BR/>And, since I certainly don’t believe in the “one true love” mantra, I feel it’s natural and to be expected that you might bump up against someone who sparks your interest. In those instances, I feel it’s best to re-examine just what it is that you love about your SO and remember that no one person can satisfy you in every way. If your current SO is not matching up to that aforementioned list, then perhaps it is time to move on, but if they are, what would make you think you’d be happier with the other person, when you have no idea as to what qualities this person may lack but happen to be on your list? Of course, not everyone’s built for monogamy and long-term committed relationships and it’s important for those people to be honest with themselves and others when discussing the future of a relationship, so as not to lead to any inadvertent misunderstandings.<BR/><BR/>I apologize if I come across like I’m lecturing you, I just thought I’d take an opportunity to discuss this issue since I often think about it. :)theparrhesiasteshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03086164950775582302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7105917.post-74779816753465283452008-04-04T15:06:00.000-05:002008-04-04T15:06:00.000-05:00I wish people would stop assuming that because you...I wish people would stop assuming that because you're in a relationship longer than 1 year that you're suddenly going to get engaged at any moment.Jenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05495000058501064688noreply@blogger.com